Calculus Test

Bayu hawa mekanikal membeku,

Namun badan terasa suam,

Tekanan tinggi dirasa... bukan tekanan atmosferik,

jasad bukan seorang, mengejar menyelesaikan teka-teki matematikal,

mengejar masa berdetik pantas malar,

60 menunduk ke bawah,

60 menulis,

Ada minda tersenyum, ada minda meraung geram, ada minda putus asa,

ekspresi minda terpahat di wajah.

Buzer berdering sesaat, entah jam tangan anak siapa.

pensyarah bangun .....

anniversary

20 years ago at this date, a young couple were united under a holy matrimony... A couple who had their own shared hopes and dreams ... Hopes and dreams which are to be fulfilled under my responsibility... and I will ...

Identiti.

Hari ini memang berani ku kata bahawa ku punya ramai kawan. Sejak juvenil dan sebelumnya, ku bisa bergaul tanpa mengira perbezaan dari hampir semua segi. Ku fikir banyak boleh ku belajar dari minda mereka, dari tindakan positif dan negatif mereka. Ku jadikan teladan dan pengajaran, dan juga sesetengahnya amaran. Ku kenal ramai... pelbagai identiti, seorang satu identiti, ada yang pelbagai identiti dalam satu jasad, ada yang hanya bertopeng... dipakai di luaran, belang sebenarnya disembunyikan.
Ku lihat peribadi mereka... ku sedar, ku tidak punya identiti...
Ku selami diri, ku jumpa ilmu... ku jumpa semangat... ku jumpa impian... ku jumpa kasih ... ku jumpa cinta... ku jumpa kemarahan.. ku jumpa kesedihan.. ku jumpa pelbagai

tapi kini... diluaran... banyak peribadi lenyap... impian lenyap... semangat lenyap... semua lenyap... ku jumpa sisa-sisa cinta... ku jumpa sisa-sisa kasih familial, ku jumpa ilmu... ku jumpa tanggungjawab...

Ku mahu identiti kunoku pulih... ku mahu segalanya kembali..

Tahun Baru

Pada tahun baru ini, inginku menutup satu bab dalam hidupku, bab yang penuh emosi dan drama, bab yang penuh pengajaran, bab yang penuh cinta dan patah hati. Ku tutup bab 2010... Ku simpan dalam kotak ... sekali sekala akanku buka dan lihat memori indah yang ada... Ku ucap terima kasih bagi semua.. 2010 merupakan tahun yang akan berbeza dalam hidupku.

Jika ditanya azam tahun baruku, akanku jawab mencari kecemerlangan dalam pelajaranku, tetapi jika ditanya apakah permintaanku setiap kaliku berdoa.. jawapanku mungkin sekali mengusik emosi dan absurd...

Jadi, ku mulakan 2011 ini dengan azam untuk menunaikan harapan ibu bapaku dan menghapuskan rasa kecewa mereka terhadapku.... dan ku harap... ku amat amat berharap doaku dimakbulkan ...

Ku ajak kawan-kawanku lupakan segala yang buruk dan ambil memori serta tabiat yang murni, yang baik, yang positif apabila melangkah ke tahun baru ini .... dan ku ucap semoga maju jaya ....

Heartbreak ... Scientifically!!

This post is gonna bilingual so bear with me...

Adelah seorang member aku ... afiq namanye... dia cadangkan aku update blog aku ... at first... I didnt knew what I was supposed to post... So i went deep into myself, and found the part of me that still hurts.... and decided to do a scientific research about it... the results were shocking ...

A broken heart (or heartbreak) is a common metaphor used to describe the intense emotional pain or suffering one feels after losing a loved one, through death, divorce, breakup, moving, being rejected, or other means.

Heartbreak is usually associated with losing a spouse or loved one, though losing a parent, child, pet, or close friend can also "break one's heart". The phrase refers to the physical pain one may feel in the chest as a result of the loss. Although "heartbreak" is usually a metaphor, there is a condition - appropriately known as "broken heart syndrome" - where a traumatizing incident triggers the brain to distribute chemicals that weaken heart tissue.

The symptoms of a "broken heart" can manifest themselves through psychological pain but for many the effect is physical. Although the experience is regarded commonly as indescribable, the following is a list of common symptoms that occur:

A perceived tightness of the chest, similar to an anxiety attack
Stomachache and/or loss of appetite
Partial or complete insomnia
Anger
Shock
Nostalgia
Apathy (loss of interest)
Anhedonia (inability to feel pleasure)
Feelings of loneliness
Feelings of hopelessness and despair
Loss of self-respect and/or self-esteem
Medical or psychological illness (for example depression)
Suicidal thoughts (in extreme cases)
Nausea
Fatigue
The thousand-yard stare
Constant or frequent crying
Takotsubo cardiomyopathy
A feeling of complete emptiness
In extreme cases, death..

Hell! ... (Although "heartbreak" is usually a metaphor, there is a condition - appropriately known as "broken heart syndrome" - where a traumatizing incident triggers the brain to distribute chemicals that weaken heart tissue.) ..This phrase was really shocking!! ...

so i went furtherr into "broken heart syndrome" ..

Takotsubo cardiomyopathy, also known as transient apical ballooning syndrome,[1] apical ballooning cardiomyopathy,[2] stress-induced cardiomyopathy, broken-heart-syndrome, Gebrochenes-Herz-Syndrom, and simply stress cardiomyopathy, is a type of non-ischemic cardiomyopathy in which there is a sudden temporary weakening of the myocardium (the muscle of the heart). Because this weakening can be triggered by emotional stress, such as the death of a loved one, a break-up, or constant rejection, the condition is also known as broken heart syndrome.[3] Stress cardiomyopathy is a well-recognized cause of acute heart failure, lethal ventricular arrhythmias, and ventricular rupture.[4]

The typical presentation of someone with takotsubo cardiomyopathy is a sudden onset of congestive heart failure or chest pain associated with ECG changes suggestive of an anterior wall myocardial infarction. During the course of evaluation of the patient, a bulging out of the left ventricular apex with a hypercontractile base of the left ventricle is often noted.





the left side is a human heart having the broken heart syndrome and the right one is a normal heart.


secara ringkasnya, the pain is caused by weakening of one muscle in the heart la... causing overflow blood in the ventricle... so hence the pain...

So basically, the deep, extremely, sometimes indescribably painful feeling at the middle of the chest is more physical...

Revealing facts! ....

p/s: research was done involving various sources... but for blogging purposes, wikipedia was used as its definitions were more understandable...

Cuti...

frasa yang seringkali membawa jeritan yay!! dan merdekha!!! apabila sekolah tamat, cuti. Kini di menara gading, situasi tidak begitu berbeza... Cuti sekolahku, dan kini universitiku tidak begitu dilengkapi dengan 'holiday' di luar negara mahupun dalan negara... paling2 pun, melawat stadhuys dan runtuhan gereja St Paul ketika mengambil adik yang belajar di sana... cutiku juga tidak dihabiskan dengan aktiviti lepak dan keluar bersama rakan rakan sehinggalah ku berada di akhir tingkatan 4, sekarang pun sekali sekala sahaja, kurang frekuensinya dengan sahabat sahabatku yang lain. Namun, pada satu tahun, sahaja, Decemberku dihiasi dengan bunga bunga cinta dan kasih.. Itu sudah jadi peristiwa lama... Biasanya cutiku akan dihabiskan bermain permainan komputer, menghabiskan masa, bergaduh, dan beradventur dengan dua adik lelakiku, memasak dengan ibuku, dan menjadi penolong ayahku di kerja, dan pelbagai aktiviti lain yang boleh dikatakan ritual... Dahulu, ku terlalu muda untuk menganalisa, tetapi, sekarang, aku mendapati bahawa keluargaku amat selesa dengan cara hidup begini, sememangnya benar, ayah dan ibuku mahukan kami sebagai anak untuk hidup lebih 'high class' dari sekarang tetapi aku fikir, mungkinkah keselesaan ini dikecapi dengan status yang lebih tinggi? mampukah ketenangan jiwa dan perasaan kesederhanaan yang dirasai sekarang boleh dirasai di kedudukan yang lebih tinggi dalam status sosial? Seperti orang yang berstatus tinggi diletakkan dalam kedudukan sebegini akan bertindak seperti kelawar dalam gua yang tiba-tiba di terangi cahaya terang, mungkinkah aku akan bertindak sebegitu apabila diletakkan di kedudukan 'high class' secara tiba-tiba?

Semester One Ends

I'm back home, so this time i have a great amount of time to post something really decent. (yawns...)
University was a hell of an experience, experience which i have much to experience if you know what I mean. Sometimes I just feel that being to indulged into my emotions of what happened is keeping me down, and i know it is. . . i feel like so what if i have lost my only best friend, and my first one, I'll live through this life myself... I'll do it alone, and I'll get through, but sometimes... well most of the time... my emotions get hold of me.
Anyways, uni was nice, a variety of feelings... a variety of experience... just as PLKN was, but just in a different manner. Eventhough I can't actually feel happy anymore, I feel a hell lot different things... so I guess that counts as me not being emotionless yet.
If I were to narrate one interesting experience by another, the sun will begin to rise and i'll be more sleep deprived than ever. many events were interesting, even in a hostile manner such as ragging... it has its own benefits... example: after the ragging period, we (juniors) got to know many seniors and we became friends with them.... and when i say many... i mean like alot of seniors... thrice as much as you would be friends with if the "introduction" session never occured. I have alot friends here... a few new good friends whom I trust. .. played a lot games... watched alot movies... studied alot... drove a manual car without parental guidance... I learnt alot... I experienced alot... and after all of this, I can atleast say that for the next semester, I'm looking forward for more experiences...
Finals wasn't very good... and i doubt i'll be anywhere near excellent... but based on my emotional instability, i can say that i managed okay... hope that god throws in a few strings...

Lastly,

"whatever we do may be insignificant, but it is most important that we do it"
-M.K.Gandhi-

I care ...

Dhijee